Personal: Catching my breath.

I've got to be honest. These last couple weeks and the promise of the next few to come were and are nothing but busyness. Phone calls, support appointments, hard conversations, big breakthroughs, goodbyes--it feels like I'm going in ten directions at once.

In all this, I am asking for peace. It's hard to keep the perspective that God is completely in control over what happens next, and that life is more than my to-do-today lists. I'll be ready for Sweden in a month, if God wills. The support will come in and it'll be time to head out into the unknown and meet students where they are with the love of God and the love of this community so ready to minister to their hearts.

Really, when it comes down to it, what more is there to life than to know God and make him known?

Personal: Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be

Today's picture (man and woman holding hands) is just adorable. My heart goes "Aww" every time I flip past it.

One of the things I still find myself studying even after graduation is the complicated maneuvers of human relationships. As I contemplate how leaving the country in a month will change things for people I know, I am amazed at how generous people are with their time, and their prayers, and their finances.

It makes me think about something I read long ago by Henri Nouwen:

It is sad to see that, in our highly competitive and greedy world, we have lost touch with the joy of giving. We often live as if our happiness depended on having. But I don't know anyone who is really happy because of what he or she has. True joy, happiness and inner peace come from the giving of ourselves to others. A happy life is a life for others.

I was talking with a good friend about this a few days ago and again yesterday: there are lots of ways to be generous and good relationships need a huge measure of trust and partnership in order to survive. Though I don't have many material possessions, I do have time and so that's what I'm going to give. I have this next year of no mortgage payments, no car insurance, no family obligations, no romantic entanglements, and no small children. God has given me a whole year to give without regard for anything other than the needs of the Swedish people. How exciting is that?

Personal: When the going gets tough, bite back.

Sometimes, you just feel like the world has got you under its thumb. I'm fairly sure I'm not alone in feeling like this.

One of the hardest parts of talking about faith is not that people are unresponsive or don't care. That definitely happens, but what gets under my skin even more than that is the fact that for a lot of people, thinking or talking about God or Jesus are just not things that they've been allowed to do. Cultures, government, societal norms--everywhere, there are voices that tell us that it's not worth thinking about the possibility of more to this life than life itself. That reminds me of something that struck me in the foreword to Aldous Huxley's dystopian novel A Brave New World:

Great is truth, but still greater, from a practical point of view, is silence about truth. By simply not mentioning certain subjects… totalitarian propagandists have influenced opinion much more effectively than they could have by the most eloquent denunciations.

That, friends, gets me all up in arms. That's just a blatant disregard for the design of the human experience. We have big questions; we need big spaces to work things out for ourselves. Exploring the idea of God is not an option; it's a necessity.

Discussing these things and really examining Truth can feel like being this tiny lizard--you push back against powers that threaten to overwhelm you. It can feel futile, but it's crucial to keep thinking about, to keep talking about, to keep fighting for in whatever ways we can because it's the right thing to do. We are called to wield our freedoms in ways that help others become free to wrestle and think for themselves.

Personal: It's a big enough umbrella...

Yesterday, I reflected on what it is to have hope despite being walled in by razorwire fences.

Today's image (a dancer in the rain) has got me thinking about what it is to have joy in the midst of those same discouraging circumstances.

Just like yesterday, though, I want to put a disclaimer on my remarks: it's not that these rough spots aren't truly difficult. It's definitely not the case that somehow a belief in God makes all things perfect. However, I do believe that faith in God changes one's perspective on even the hardest of situations. There's a real difference in the way that I respond to trials now versus when I was just beginning to know about Jesus.

Joy has become something deeper than a momentary gladness; it's a deep contentment in the face of suffering -- what Paul referred to as the secret he learned in moments both of sacrifice and plenty. It isn't a dependency on people or circumstance. It's the result of being connected deeply to a life-giving, life-renewing God. Joy like that can't help but be caught singing in the rain.

Update: Where did I go to high school, again?

My support coach (who I've been turning in numbers to all summer) just asked me for updated totals, and I realized that I've been miscalculating a little.

We're not at 25% of what's needed in hand on August 1.

We are at 35%!

This is really exciting news. I thought that I'd share so that you can rejoice with me and know what to keep praying for. Thank you so much for continuing to support the vision of a change for Sweden. Every step counts!

Personal: Let me tell you some stories

One of the incredible parts of my job is the chance to speak to college students about faith, spirituality, and experience--and the chance to ask them deep questions and genuinely listen to their responses.

One of the tools I love to use that can strike up this kind of conversation is Soularium, and I really enjoy using it in tons of different ways to spark different kinds of responses.

For the next 50 days, I'm going to attempt something ambitious that I've never done before. I'm going to blog my personal responses to each of the 50 images in the Soularium survey. My prayer is that this will not only mean that there's something new for you to read here daily, but that it will generate some interesting discussion.

The first image is of sunlight streaming through a razor-wire fence.

Obstacles are always before us, or inside us, or surrounding us. Situations never seem ideal. It would be foolishness or a lie to say that I'm not afraid of lots of uncertainties these days. Will all of the support come in by August 1? What will happen to my academic career if I really put it on hold right now? What about my personal life?

Everyone wrestles with feelings of unknownness; it's part and parcel of the human experience.

When I think about the future--from what's going to happen on August 1 to what's going to happen in a year--I feel like there's a lot to be hopeful about. Despite the culture of fear that dominates all discussion about economy and society, I consistently find light and life in very dark places. It isn't that I'm naively hiding from the painful truth that life isn't always sunny. It isn't a blind, superficial attitude of blissful ignorance.

It is simply (and that's not often simple) trust. I don't have to know everything, I don't have to stick to a plan, and I certainly don't have to have it all together to have confidence that the God who created the world and the human heart is still at work right here with us. Nothing on earth can overpower that, I hear.

Update: Cue the theme from "Welcome Back, Kotter!"

Where has the time gone? July has been a such crazy month and there are still 10 days left in it!

If you've been wondering what happened, I've been working as a camp counselor for 12th and 8th graders at Truett Camp's Youth Music Weeks. While I was there to teach interpretive movement (read: dance class for people who don't like the word "dance") I also was speaking with various churches, families, and friends about my calling to Sweden which you can read here.

It is definitely feeling like a full out sprint in these last few days toward the finish line of support raising. I'm still quite far from the goal--about 25% of the one-time need, and at about 15% of the total monthly support pledges that will come in during the year.

And honestly, while that could be discouraging for some people I definitely don't see it like that. I believe that something amazing is going to happen between now and August 1.

I am incredibly grateful for all of the prayers, thoughts, words of encouragement, financial contributions, pledges, referrals, and other kinds of support that have come my way over the last two months. I can't say it enough, though I will certainly keep trying: thank you. Thank you for sharing your time and your faith and your money and your heart. It is a privilege to serve with you.

Update: Many irons in the fire make for hot fingers!

Wow, it's already July! That seems so weird to me; it was only a couple months ago that I was slaving away over communitarian theology, ordinary language philosophy, and the ethics of internet pornography.

Since we're now at 26 days to the BIG deadline, I want to recap some of the good stuff from May and June and then let you know what's going on this month.

In May, I . ..

• graduated from The Honors College at Western Carolina University with a Humanities double-major in Philosophy & Religion and English Literature. Hooray for the end of three long years of grueling undergraduate work done at breakneck speed!
• became a semipro housekeeper/dogsitter for a month
• helped host a thought-provoking series of literary and philosophical salons
  
• started this blog to keep people updated
  
• answered the question: "What is a STINT?"
• put all the financial information in one handy reference post: "Getting Involved"

In June, I . ..

• met with more people and families in person to share my heart and vision
• posted all of my contact information: "I Like Social Networking Utilities"
• drafted a paper info packet to send via snail mail (let me know if you're interested)
• asked you to pray for my car, Virginia
• called 270 people (not all in one day--but yes, my cell phone got really hot)
• spoke at one church congregation's Sunday services
• shared my vision for and calling to Sweden: "Sweden? Seriously?"

July is going to be a very, very hectic month. Here are the things that I will not only need your prayer and encouragement for but also your involvement and help to get done before (dun dun dun) August 1:

• Virginia is now in the shop. It is a difficult time for her--which is making it difficult for me to get out there to meet people in person!
• I'm going to be a camp counselor to middle- and high-schoolers. Pray. Hard. Please.
  
• I have to wire money to the Swedish government for the visa that will allow me to live and work in Uppsala.
  
• I have a ton of info packets that are ready and waiting to be sent . .. but I have run out of contacts to send them to. The simple truth is: I don't know enough people to make this mission possible. One of the non-financial supports that I need during this point in the journey is your help in introducing me to people you know that I don't. If you're willing to help in this way, drop me a line. Send someone a link to this blog. Talk to your friends, family, waitresses, bank tellers, stockbrokers, carpet installers and small business owners.
  
• I'm currently at 17.7% of my total one-time goal that is fully due on August 1. Would you consider sending in a one-time gift to help me meet the mark? You can give securely online here or find more info here.
• I'm currently at 12% of monthly support (that is, the amount I need pledged from my team to support me during the next 12 months while I'm in Uppsala). I have to show on August 1st that I have commitments for the total amount or else I won't be able to go. I ask that you please consider joining my monthly support team by setting up your giving online here or through the mail here.
• I have to pack for a whole year at one time! If you've ever seen my closet, you know that it's going to be a hard time choosing which shoes to bring (and which shoes to leave behind) for a whole year. At least I know that I'll definitely have to bring my parka and mittens

While that does look and feel like a lot to do and a lot of stress in getting it done, I want to end this update with a huge "thanks" for all the great things I've encountered so far:

Here's to the people who have given, people who have been and are still praying, people who are considering giving, people who have linked to me in their blogs, people who have sent notes of encouragement, people who are already asking friends to join in on this, people who callback, people who ask questions, people who feed me, people who share their own journey, people who keep me social, people who drive me place to place, and to the God who holds us all together. Thank you!

Basics: Do I get fries with this?

I crack myself up sometimes. But really, lots of people do ask what I'm planning on doing with the financial support that I'm raising right now. I think that's a great question.

If you've been here before, you know that I'm responsible for raising 100% of my total salary, ministry expenses, benefits, insurance, and administrative costs by finding a team of partners who will give one time or monthly. There are no central funds through CCCI--everything I will do in Sweden is made possible by each dollar of support from this team.

With that in mind, I’ve created a snapshot of how your financial support makes living and ministering possible in Uppsala. This is in no way an exhaustive list, but it does cover some of the basic categories of my financial needs:

Giving Regularly

• $20 / month :: 3 weeks of meeting with one student once a week for coffee (in Swedish, taking fika) and building a relationship of trust in order to share the gospel.
• $50 / month :: one roundtrip train ticket to Stockholm, the capital of Sweden and the nearest city to Uppsala—a hotbed of social activity and chances for evangelism
• $100 / month :: covers internet, TV, phone and other communications costs so that I can stay in touch with my team of partners
• $250 / month :: helps pay for approximately 2/3 of the average food and/or meal cost per month – an essential for healthy physical (as well as spiritual) growth!
• $500 / month :: helps pay half of one average month’s rent for a youth hostel apartment for one person living with others
• $1000 / month :: helps fund social security, benefits, emergency evacuation, and other administrative costs

Giving a One Time/Special Gift

• $20 :: buys one lunch with a student for fellowship, encouragement, and training
• $50 :: puts a copy of an illustrated, contemporary Swedish language Bible into one student’s hands
• $100 :: buys a month’s worth of bus passes to get around Uppsala City and University
• $250 :: pays for essential supplies (paper, printing, materials) for one focus group geared around hearing what matters most to Swedish students
• $500 :: pays for a part of the flight to the CCCI Christmas Conference
• $1000 :: pays for visa and other travel related fees so that I can legally work in Sweden
• $5000 :: covers the cost of one one-way ticket from the US to Sweden for either departure in Fall 2008 or return in Summer 2009

As you can see, there are tons of areas that I'll need prayer and financial support for--from housing to communication, from conversation to study. Is there a way you're being called to partner?

Basics: Sweden? Seriously?

If I had a 'most frequently asked question' of the last few months, it would be something along the lines of, "Sweden? So you'll be bringing home good watches and great chocolate?"

Sweden. Switzerland. Two totally different countries. I think it's time to shed some light on my Scandinavian home-to-be and why I believe I'm supposed to be there. Grab some coffee; I think this is a good story.


My story starts in a ninth-grade geography class. While I had learned all the countries of the world before (fourth-grade or so), it wasn't until I was in AP US History with Mr. Mike Pendergast that I realized that what happens in foreign countries matters to the United States. Suddenly, the walls of my world extended. I still didn't really care much about Sweden, though. Except for the brawny, blonde, blue-eyed men, there wasn't much else I knew about a country so far north some provinces didn't see sunlight in winter.

Then, in fall of 2007, I was on a break between classes and browsing the internet in the library. I stumbled upon Scott Schuman's photos of fashionable people on the streets of Stockholm. "Incredible! Gorgeous!" I thought. "But how would I, a girl from small town America, ever get there? I mean, Sweden? Who goes there?" So I jumped back into the scholarly world of philosophy, religious studies, and literature, and kept the two worlds apart in my brain.

God had other plans. Typical. On the night of September 28, I heard Ben and Jacqueline Meredith share about what Campus Crusade for Christ does in Sweden. They were talking about their experiences in helping lead a Summer Project specifically, but everything they were saying about the culture struck a chord in my heart. Sweden is a first world country. Swedes are brilliant. Swedes are literate. Swedes love to have coffee and deep conversations. Swedes are concerned about the future of a global economy. Swedes live, move, and have their being in a thoroughly postmodern context. Sweden's mindset is in a place now where America's next generations of students are heading, and heading fast.

I didn't ask God whether or not I should apply for whatever this whole "STINT" business was about.

I didn't have to. In that moment, I knew with an unshakable conviction that this was my next step. I actually called one of my best friends immediately--not to ask for advice, but to share that God had made it incredibly clear that I was to pursue going to Sweden next year.

I came home and did what any college student who puts off writing papers does: research.

Sweden bills itself as "The World's Most Equal Country," there is the astonishing fact that while roughly 80% of Swedes belong to the Church of Sweden, only 20% believe in any sort of God figure at all.

I didn't, and still don't, understand exactly how this works so I asked my friend Daniel who was on an exchange to Western Carolina at the time to explain how he felt about Christianity. What he said both brings tears to my eyes and inspires me at the same time. I asked him if I could share what he said with you (and he said yes); there's something about hearing it straight from the heart of my good friend:

I don't believe in the religion. I don't think there is a God or that Jesus ever existed. I like the institution of Christianity, its value base. I have respect fore those people who do believe in God and therefore I want them to have churches, etc. I grew up in a family that was not religious and I think that is the biggest reason why I didn't become a Christian.

It feels wrong to say that I chose not to be a Christian. In a way, it was a choice but a very indirect choice. It was never there and therefore it was not an option.

I chose to believe in humanity, in people. My life so far feels fulfilled in that spiritual way. I have, because of friends, been to a couple of different Christian churches. I want to understand them and can relate to a lot of what they believe in because, as I mentioned, we have a common value base.

Why this hasn't made me a Christian is maybe I feel that so far, believing in humanity and people is giving me what I need spiritually. I don't feel like there is something like that missing in my life. Maybe one day I will feel that something is missing and maybe I will also start to believe in God and Jesus or Mohammed or Buddha or something or someone else.

This breaks my heart, piques my curiosity, and has spurred me to pursue the goal of living in Sweden as a full-time missionary for at least the next year. I want to sit down over coffee with Daniel again and ask more questions and share more of my life experiences and how believing in Jesus really has made a difference in my life and how I have come to find that it is not completely illogical to be academically motivated and grounded in a personal faith.

Through Campus Crusade for Christ, I've been given an opportunity to take this next year to do just that. My calling is to live my life in a transparent, authentic, and honest way in front of the students of Uppsala and to offer them an introduction to the God of the universe who desires with unending compassion and overwhelming love to know and be known by each student on a very intimate, personal level.

It's difficult for me to articulate this whole amazing journey. Even as I write these words, my breath catches in my chest and tears well in my eyes. This, my friends, is what I'm asking you to partner with me to do. You may not feel quite the same about Sweden, or Jesus, or missionaries, or students. That's a lot less important than believing that this is the right thing for me to do in this moment, in this day and age.

I happen to have a year that God has graciously provided, without mortgage or car payments, without overwhelming family or romantic involvements. I have been given this chance to go, and I am not taking that for granted.

So, firstly, would you please commit to pray for me and let me know that you're doing so? This is a scary undertaking. People everywhere are nervous about the economy, about the future, about freedom--but I refuse to be disheartened or discouraged. God's commitment to us is unwavering. I stand by that. I also believe that we are strongest when we stand together.

And, secondly, would you please consider joining my financial team of supporters? There is a role to play, whether you sponsor the cost of registering for a visa, a plane ticket, or give any amount monthly.

One very difficult part of this process is the fact that if I do not have my full committed support team complete by August 1, I will not go. That's a swift deadline, but again: I refuse to be disheartened or discouraged. God's commitment to us is unwavering. I stand by that. We are strongest when we stand together because no one could do this alone. We were never meant to.

For more details about how you can give and what kinds of financial support I need, see these posts.

Update: I like social networking utilities.

Since I created groups on Facebook and on Virb, I thought it would be handy to index them for your current knowledge and future reference. Here, in one place, is everything you'd ever want to know about how to stay updated on what's upp in Uppsala. I promise never to use that phrase again.

Campus Crusade for Christ, International:
My Official Staff Site -- https://give.ccci.org/give?Action=ViewNewGift&Desig=0606254

Add this Blog to a Feed Reader:
Click Here -- http://swedenforachange.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

Facebook:
My Profile -- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=44103866
Sweden, for a Change (The Group) -- http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=19862361259

Twitter:
Follow me! -- http://twitter.com/transmuting

Virb:
My Profile -- http://virb.com/maleah
Sweden, for a Change (The Group) -- http://virb.com/groups/19564797

MySpace:
My Profile -- http://www.myspace.com/maleahpusz

E-Mail:
maleah [dot] pusz [at] uscm [dot] com

Snail Mail (Will be Updated):
Maleah Pusz / 641 East Fork Road / Sylva, NC 28779-7334

*nb - I also respond to carrier pigeons and smoke signals.

Update: I'm not dead, yet!

What a hectic week! My month of housesitting for a friend is at its end, I've made phone calls to friends and churches now numbering in the triple digits, and still I've managed to catch up with quite a few friends.

One major prayer concern I want to share with you is Virginia. You may know Virginia firsthand, or (hopefully) you'll meet her soon--along with me, that is. Virginia is my lovely, thirteen year old Lincoln Town Car. She is one sassy lady that I very fortunately inherited from my parents last year. Since I've been with her, she has served as my personal assistant, a portable sound system, and a spacious office on wheels. She is certainly a blessing to have and drive; she's real sweet even though she might qualify for this fine establishment. A photo introduction, if you haven't met before:

Poor Virginia has been suffering in this sweltering summer heat wave. So much so that she has been finicky about when she'll start. Guess you might call her a little cranky.

Obviously, my spiritual gifts do not include telling jokes.

The sad truth is that we (and several kind mechanics) haven't been able to figure out what exactly is wrong, but Virginia has got to last through this summer.

So, though it may not seem like much, would you pray for the logistics in my life to settle? It's difficult to make and meet for appointments when I'm nervous I'll lose a carburetor. Especially because I don't know what that is!

It's essential that I be able to meet with people so I can share personally how God has been drawing me to Sweden since I was voted best dressed in high school (more about that real soon!). In the meanwhile, I'll be posting some of my less rambling stories here. I'd still love to meet with you--let's set up a time, shall we? You can email me at maleah [dot] pusz [at] uscm [dot] org.

Update: Coming Attractions/Requests

This has been a week full of phone calls made, letters drafted, and struggle after struggle. I had no idea how much the process of finding partners would reveal things about my own heart.

There's a whole lot of growing going on. It feels a little like when I was very young and put on the same shoes for school every morning. Everyone had a favorite pair of shoes when they're in second grade, right? There was one morning, though, that I noticed that these sparkly sandals were really kind of tight on my toes. Instead of reaching for another pair, I squeezed by that day.

I kept squeezing by until finally, I couldn't get my feet into them. And then that was that. My life with the sparkly sandals was over--and my feet certainly felt better for it--even though I would have kept making all kinds of sacrifices to keep things the same.

It's hard to let go, especially a favorite pair of shoes, a favorite relationship, a favorite sin. It's so easy to keep squeezing into the same ways of looking at the world instead of jumping out for the great unknown and what marvelous things God has in store. Sometimes it takes a critical self-examination from me, a considerate word from a friend, or an insurmountable obstacle.

Please pray with me that I'll be open to change as God directs it. What can I pray for you?

In the days to come, I'll be posting more basic information--like, "Where in the world is Sweden?" and "Why in the world are you going to Sweden?"--and introducing the team of staff and STINTers who are going on this crazy adventure with me. En garde!

Basics: Maleah is...

In case you don't know me (well), this is a handy guide to who I think or have been told that I am. Conveniently phrased in a list, as an answer to the following:

How do you finish a sentence that starts, "Maleah is ..."?

a Jesus-follower, great with small children, a desperate human being, ultimately hopeful, in love with finding small, good things, an encourager of spontaneity, positively boisterous, grammatically articulate, a theologian-in-training, an avid reader, fabulously stylish, a Western Carolina University graduate (as of May 2008), a philosopher-in-training, not a great fisher, an ordinary radical, a mean game of badminton, a big fan of laughing at yourself, not afraid to try and fail, a cold glass of sweet tea, an amateur boutique baker, a meticulous housecleaner, happiest in sunny weather, a very loud singer, well cared for by some very good people, the kind of girl who comes with a warning label, young at heart, an old soul, a former office assistant, the coolest camp counselor ever, a Bible study leader who is comfortable talking about sex and grace with the same breath, flibber-ti-jibbet, a will-o'-the wisp, a clown, a particularly entertaining hostess, a world-traveler, dependent on God's provision, completely captivated by and heartbroken for people who think they are too smart for God, an encourager, at home in the mountains, unabashedly thankful, quite contented with how all things work together for good.

(Points for finding the Sound of Music reference.)

Update: What's News Today

If you know me, you may know that I often use the three magic letters "MPD" quite often these days. I hate to be out of the loop, too, so I thought I'd take a moment and a) tell you what that means and b) ask you to do something about it.

MPD stands for "Ministry Partnership Development". That's a sufficiently vague term that includes this thing that has me saying "Hey you, please give financial support as I travel to Sweden for a whole year" a lot these days.

More importantly (and I'm not just saying that), it encompasses the other part of this team thing. While it would be easy to just say that I'm fundraising, I'm not. Some have called it people-raising; I think that's pretty accurate. I really am working hard to pull together a team of people who are committed to praying for me and really partnering in making this vision of a transformed Sweden a reality. And, it's about developing a true balance: I want to be able to give back to my partners through prayer and updates.

One of the ways that I'll be staying in close contact is through this blog. I'll be posting stories from the field about the students I meet and the messes I know I'll get into, updates on our ministry progress, asking for specific prayer needs for myself, for my team, and for the culture we're engaging together.

I hope that you'll bookmark me (or add me to an RSS/Atom feed, if you're into that sort of thing) and use this as a way to keep me updated on your life, too. Tell me your stories, ask me for prayer, let me encourage you as a co-laborer in Christ. Let's talk.